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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {